Rev. Lois Knutson, cont'd

You are Lloyd and Fern's pastor?

Rev. Knutson with the Larsens

Yes, both of them, I think are very close marital partners. Some of the stresses that they have include 24-hour care because of Lloyd's emphysema. The nighttime hours are very interrupted for both of them and the nighttime hours are very frightening for both of them because sometimes Lloyd doesn't know if he is going to survive the night. The nighttime is very difficult and when nighttime is difficult and sleep is interrupted that means one is tired during the daytime hours. But no one realizes how difficult the daytime hours can be if they don't know that the nighttime is so difficult.

What do you do for them?

I visit them and we talk about the challenges in the caregiving process. We talk about what it means to wonder when you're struggling for air if you're going to survive. We talk about "What does it mean if the time comes that he takes his last breath?" Is Lloyd at peace with God? Is Fern at peace with God? We're also pre-planning their funeral services. I've written a "pre-planning your funeral service" form which really is a spiritual exercise. It's a very tender exercise.

What about Bonnie and Helen?

Rev. Knutson with Bonnie & Helen

Bonnie and Helen are delightful. I view Bonnie as a person who has really sacrificed her own life in terms of a professional career in the Twin Cities and moved to this community out of her devotion to her mother. I think she has a very heart-warming story to tell and it comes from her heart. It really comes down deep. I mean you look into their eyes and you see them look into each other's eyes and it just brings tears to your eyes because of that love you see between them. And it's a faith-based love.

When did you learn that you get a lot more back when you give?

I think I've known that for years and years just through personal experiences. Even before I went to seminary when I was living in the twin cities I attended a church in the Twin Cities. Prior to attending a church I would visit in a nursing home. Nursing homes don't have many volunteers on a Sunday morning and I learned early on through visiting people who were strangers to me but became my friends. Even before I went to seminary I learned how rewarding it is and I was just drawn to that nursing home before going to church. In terms of my personal life I just know and all along too from seeing the relationship between my mother and my maternal grandparents that as we love those around us we are just even more blessed. It's more blessed to give than to receive. I know that's a cliché, but it's so true and I see that with my mother.

Do you ever get down?

I used to get more down; I used to get more depressed, but since I've become focused on senior adult ministry I have such a passion for what I'm doing that I just feel driven and led by the spirit 24-7. It may sound unrealistic, but I get so excited about the ministry in which I'm involved. I feel so honored to be invited into the holy ground of people's lives that right now I don't struggle with times of being down, of being depressed. In fact sometimes it's just discouraging to get tired. It's the end of the evening and I have no more energy to keep going, but it's God's way of telling me Lois, you need to rest.

Next: Rev. Knutson on holistic caregiving