Mary Ann Nation, cont'd

Harlan Nation

The doctor told us that it was not good news. That he had a very rare brain virus. It's extremely rare so it was hard for us to find out anything about it. It was hard for us to know what to do. All the treatments were experimental and pretty radical. It's strange though, I don't know if I got through that period through shock, or through faith, it's like all these hard decisions.

I'm one of these people that I think things to death, I worry, and worry, and worry before I can make a decision and there wasn't any time for decisions, you know. The decisions had to be made right away and I was making them and I wasn't feeling insecure about them. I was making them and I just had a feeling that they were the right decisions and so we opted to not to try any of those things and we worked with some of the Doctors and stuff, but we didn't actually give him any treatment or anything and I just thought, well, I'll just take care of him as good as I can. I can't prevent him dying, but I can sure make the days that he has left better and I really didn't trust anybody else to do that.

I ended up quitting my job and staying home with him and little by little he got a little bit better. When I first brought him home he was scared to death. He comes out of surgery, he can't talk, he can't walk, he can't, move his arm, he doesn't know what's going on around him. He had a very bad visual problem, he couldn't have any lights on or he couldn't watch TV. I remember trying to read a book to him and he couldn't even follow, you know, the storyline -- it was an irritant to him.

One night I got him ready, got him in bed and everything and told him I would be down in a few minutes. We lived in a house where we had to actually make the family room our living quarters because it had a small bathroom off to the side, no bathing facilities it was just a small bathroom. I kept watching him and I thought that, kind of sensed that something was different, but every time I would look at him he would just look at me with this kind of a blank look and I didn't know what to expect and I was scared and everything.

So, I got up in bed beside him and he starts laughing and I don't know what's going on and then he shows me that he moves his toe the slightest little bit. I mean it was just like Hallelujah! Hands in the air just jumping up and down on the bed just, we were both just tickled to death. I mean, moving that toe was the greatest thing in the whole world. He didn't want the kids to know for a day or two until he could move them at will and he just continued to get a little better.

Someone said something to me and I don't remember if it was a Doctor or what but they said, keep his brain stimulated, don't just let him lay and do nothing. They said the worst thing about people that are homebound is that they get used to that to where they don't want to be around people and they don't like to be out. Keep him social. My boys didn't think I should be taking him out, they didn't think that he wanted to go out.

When he moved his toe that same night and I wish I had a tape of it. I wish I knew how to explain how he told me, I don't know how he told me, but he told me that he believed that God was going to heal him. And he believes it strongly. And I thought well, he's the one that should know and if he believes it, I believe it. And I've had doctors tell me that I was in denial. I don't think any caregiver can be in denial. You're faced with it every day. I don't think it's denial but I can't stand and dwell on it all the time either and I can't say, oh God, he's going to die tomorrow why should I do anything today? I'm wasting my time doing this today if he's going to die tomorrow.

You can't have that attitude and I'm doing what Harlan and I planned on doing when our kids left. We're going to live our life, we're going to do what we want to do, we're going to have as much fun as we can. It might take us longer. Our walks are slower, you know we don't have the social circle that I thought we would. People are uncomfortable. They don't know how to handle it.

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